Ghosts of the Past
by ChoCedric
Summary: The year that Remus comes to teach at Hogwarts is filled with nostalgic and haunting memories for him. Join him as he experiences them. Goes from when he first starts teaching to when he sees Sirius again.


Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Ghosts of the Past

By: ChoCedric

Remus John Lupin is bombarded with memories as he walks through the halls of Hogwarts. He remembers four young boys, their faces alive with laughter as they plotted their next prank. He recalls with perfect clarity the looks they all bore, and he thinks, with a painful pang, that Hogwarts is desolate without them.

But when he looks at Harry potter, it is like a part of James is still living. He also remembers Lily, the beautiful, fiery-tempered young witch who refused James's advances again and again, but finally fell for him when he deflated his head. Seeing Lily's eyes in James's face brings insurmountable sorrow to him, but also great joy; he has missed seeing those features tremendously.

When he sees how badly the Dementors affect Harry, a torrent of anger sweeps over him. Sirius. How dare Sirius do this! His heart cracks in two when Harry says he can hear his mum and dad fighting for their lives, fighting for him. Remus feels such fury at his old friend – why in Heaven's name would he subject his godson to this torment? He also feels incredible self-loathing and guilt, for when the Potters died, he secluded himself from his past for twelve years. But as soon as the news was out that Sirius escaped Azkaban, he knew he had to protect the last link to his dearest friends. He feels so awful that he wasn't a constant in Harry's life through all his years, however.

As he watches Harry fly, he feels a sense of incredible nostalgia. He remembers James in his youth, his hair blowing in the breeze, his face alight with joy as he soared above the Quidditch pitch. He remembers the euphoric feeling as James let him come on his broom with him as a small boy, and the feeling of friendship they shared was unlike anything he had ever felt before. To know he was included, loved despite what he is – it's a true taste of happiness.

Shock goes through him in waves when Severus Snape shows up with Harry, holding the Marauder's Map in his hands. It seems like all the ghosts of the past are coming back to haunt the werewolf. He remembers endless nights, sitting in the dorm with his friends, creating the map that was to become their legacy. He remembers filling in every detail, and memories from all sides swarm over him like a tsunami. To see Harry with it is unbelievable. It brings him relief that a relic of his past has been found, but at the same time, he feels a burst of rage. Sirius Black is on the loose, and Harry is wandering around with this map. Remus doesn't want Lily and James's sacrifice to be in vain, so he tells Harry very firmly not to use it again to buy a bag of tricks. He's trying to protect the stubborn boy, and he knows for a fact that Sirius probably still remembers every nook and cranny of Hogwarts Castle. His job of keeping Harry safe from his own godfather will be a lot harder now that the boy has the map, he realizes.

But everything changes one night. He is sitting in his office, waiting for Snape to bring him the Wolfsbane Potion. He is gazing at the Marauder's Map, disappearing into his memories, when he sees something that stops him short. His heart begins to pound, his hands go clammy, and it is as though time has completely stopped. For Peter Pettigrew's name is on the map, right next to the name Sirius Black.

The cogs start turning in Remus's head. How can Peter be alive? The map must be malfunctioning! But no, the Marauder's Map never lies. His head aches as he begins to think every detail over.

As he runs to the Shrieking Shack, he feels a mixture of emotions. They flood over him, and he knows he has to find out the truth. Thinking back on that terrible Halloween night all those years ago, something about it didn't seem quite right. He remembers how much Sirius loved James, Lily, and little Harry. But after a while, he believed Sirius had turned traitor, for wasn't it he who betrayed Remus's secret about his lycanthropy to Snape when he'd promised not to tell anyone? It had almost resulted in Snape's death and Remus's expulsion and execution. That would have definitely happened if it hadn't been for James, running in at the last minute to stop the prank from going forward. That is what made it understandable for Remus to believe that Sirius was guilty.

But as he steps into the shack and looks at his fragile, broken, emaciated friend, he feels a mixture of anger, worry, love, pity, and forgiveness. For before Sirius can say anything, his haunted gray eyes shine out, and Remus knows he's innocent. Peter, little Peter, who Remus thought was a hero for twelve years, was really nothing but a coward, and Sirius, oh, Gods, Sirius, suffered in hell for over a decade.

When they embrace, Remus feels part of his heart stitch back together. But along with the joy comes even more self-loathing, for he should've known that Sirius would never turn to Voldemort. The Prank was nothing more than a foolish, reckless mistake; didn't he spend an entire month telling his friend he was sorry? He even shed tears over the incident, and that was the only time Remus has ever seen him cry. He knows he has a lot to make up for; it'll be him this time who says over and over again that he's sorry.

So as the explanation of what really happened on that dark night in 1981 is given, Remus vows to himself that he'll do anything to help fix his friend. He looks torn apart by grief and rage, and Remus hopes that with his help, he can learn to live again. They can repair their broken friendship, put the pieces back together. I'm so sorry, Sirius, but you'll be okay, I promise, he swears as a single tear rolls down his lined cheek. I promise.


End file.
